Thoughts for the 27th of July 2011

What did i do wrong? i deleted a pair of messages from my inbox from collarme.com. In doing so i have kept things from my Miss, whether intentional or not i am in the wrong. Why did i do such a thing, i do not even know why. The person's messages i deleted i did not even wish to meet or speak with further. My own brain fart is not even reason enough. i feel absolutely horrible. i am not worthy of my Miss. After all the love She has shown me, i feel as if i have disrespected Her. i feel as though i should just die for my deceit. i worry that my Miss will never look to me with love again, which for me might as well be death. i so much love Her, and cannot stand myself if She wishes to let me go. So far since my collaring, i have used my Miss approval to make each day a good one for me. Now i am without it, and each of my days seem sad. For as long as She is upset and disappointed in me, i will feel incomplete, and sad.
As punishment my Miss is going to give me away for a few days to a Dom, so He can use and punish me for my Miss. i have no clue at this time who He is going to be, or why He was specifically chosen. He could have been chosen because of His sadistic side, or His lack of caring for my safety. i think this will reflect my Miss' disdain for me at this time, in which i deserve. i do think i will be treated like a worthless pig, or even lower. i know my tasks will be no where near as thoughtful or as caring as what my Miss assigns usually. i think of this as my Miss is so disgusted with me that She wishes to rid Herself of me for a few days. This thought alone is making me cry. What i hope from this Dom is nothing at all, although i am willing to accept any and all tasks, regardless of limits. i will use my wish for my Miss' forgiveness as driving force for my tasks. i have no hopes for what He chooses to do, or what He does not choose to. He could be telling me to dress sluttier at work, or even sleeping with random people. If He says that i am to whore myself after work to one person or more, i think i will do so. There is nothing i do not think i will do to please my Miss. She means the world to me, and in turn i will do the world (literally) if that is what She wishes. i just want Her to forgive me. Until She does i will remain loyal to everything She instructs, everything the chosen Dom instructs, document each in my blog, follow each of my own punishing acts, and make sure my surprise for tomorrow is perfect for Her. i am worth nothing, unless i have Her....