Thoughts for the 4th of August 2011

First i would like to thank all the people who have viewed my blog. i am amazed at the 7000+ views. Thank Y/you all VERY very much. i know my Miss and i appreciate all the continued support <3
For all who do not know, my Miss has taken me back with open arms. Which i am delighted about!! The last week has been very hard for me. My experience in BDSM stands at my time as a Domme, as a submissive my experience is closer to that of a novice. i was very unsure of my time in punishment. Before i even knew what my punishment was, i was already upset at disappointing and hurting my Miss. When Miss told me that She was going to give me away to a Master as punishment, my heart sank. i felt heartbroken that my Miss would give me away like some trading card. i did have thoughts of resisting, however my want to be with Miss kept me from revolting. i was aware that to earn my forgiveness i had to do as i was assigned, and i had to give my full dedication to it.
Many things had floated through my mind. Fear of who and what the at the time mystery Master was going to make me do. This Master had no loyalties to me, nor any considerations for my health. i mean why would He, i was not His property. All i knew was He knew what i did wrong and that i was being punished for it. i thought that at least if Miss was performing them, i knew She would still consider before ordering me to do some tasks.  i was also in fear that my Miss would be mad at me for a long period of time. 
My comfort level was also at low being given to a Dom. Not that i had a problem with the Master. However during my time as a Domme i used to only take in female submissives as it was always more comforting to me. The same seemed to be with being a submissive. i was always at more ease taking instruction from my Miss than taking them from a Master. i did try to work through my discomfort, trying to perform each task with my full dedication. At first it seemed as though i could not get my dedication high enough to please.
When i was given my assignment for the Saturday, i was a bit indifferent. i felt that the task seemed like it was a fair bit degrading. Although i did decide to use that opportunity to try to give a strong impression for Master and Miss. i wanted that day to showcase my dedication and my want to serve and please Miss and Master. Monday came around and Master was very impressed. However when i learned that Miss said i had only earned some forgiveness and that i was a long ways away my hope seemed to just break. i felt that my best was just not enough and that i was truly being pushed to the limit.
At the one week mark, i received a message that just pushed me into the breaking point. i don't know if it was the assigned tasks or that the things seemed to push at my comfort level more and more each day. However i made a decision to message my Miss saying that i could not go any further with being His property. Feeling that after a week if Miss had not felt any less angry with me that She would never feel it. Writing the message to Her, i was in tears. i felt that all the last week of being away from Her had kept pushing my every bit. i think i just felt as if i could not go on anymore.
To my surprise and relief my Miss messaged me in response yesterday. She had forgiven me, and kept me away for that long so i could learn my full lesson. When She said that She was only waiting until i begged Her to take me back or that i had broken, i felt exactly as that. That is what i felt, that i was pushed so far that i had broken. That explained my tears while i wrote the message. She said She missed me the last few days, which caused me to cry more but this time was because of joy. My relief and joy went through the roof. It meant a lot that she was impressed with my dedication through my punishment. i did worry that the things i did went unheard by my Miss, and to get the acknowledgment from Her meant a great amount.
i do have to thank Master for taking me in. i have sent Him a personal thank You, and hopes He does not think i wish Him any ill will. i may not have felt comfortable with being with Him for the time, nor did i feel He cared for me as much as my Miss. However i do not blame Him for anything. i choose to perform each task, and i did try to perform them with my fullest dedication. i do hope i have impressed Him and that He enjoyed having me for the week. i thank Master for all He has done in my experiences and my lessons that i learned from Him.
The week made me realize just how much i loved my Miss, and want to impress Her. i realize now that i am Her sub, and i should keep nothing from Her. i am Her property and my goals should always be to make Her happy and serve Her well. Having disappointed my Miss, and hurting Her feeling that much i deserved to be punished. Now after experiencing my Miss' first major punishment, i don't wish to ever be punished again. i learned how much i care for Her and wish to be with Her. She is the Domme that has broken me fully, and i feel that i won't ever be complete without Her. i am Her's now, and hopefully forever <3